Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The third piece….


So as we left off (1st piece, 2nd piece) I had my blood drawn.  After a gruesome wait that ended up being 4 weeks instead of 2, we received a phone call as we were about to drive 7 hours to a wedding without Bear.

I am a carrier of this rare genetic mutation. 

I only have a 50% chance of making healthy babies.  Add to that my rare genetic bone disorder (which is autosomal dominant and a 50/50 chance) I basically have 0% chance of making healthy babies.

We’re so grateful we are pregnant because had we not been and received all this information we would never have another child.  This baby is a gift from God.  He had plans for our family.

With that said, this is our last baby.  I cannot do this gamble again. 

I’m angry.  I’m sad.  I feel like a disappointment to my husband.  I was never ready to be done at 2.  I’m destroyed that this family planning choice has been taken away from me. 

Most likely international adoption is out because mine and Bear’s disabilities.  I don’t think we can afford domestic adoption.  We’re left with foster to adopt.  I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it.  To get attached and fall in love and possibly have to give them back.

This is a hard time for our family.  Hence the lack of blog posts. 

I’m struggling with morning sickness, afternoon sickness, evening sickness (call it whatever you want, it stinks) exhaustion, a Bear that doesn’t sleep, and caring for a special needs toddler.

I’m tired.

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