I cannot believe it’s already October. Time really flies.
Bear is loving school and is so close to walking it’s unbelievable. He’s using his gait trainer and walking more and more at home and at school.
However, I’m really struggling lately. Lots of people are having babies, healthy babies, around us. And it’s hard. While I’m absolutely overjoyed for them, it brings a lot of hard memories back to the forefront of my mind.
I remember how hard I prayed that Monkey would be a girl. And 20 weeks later, he was a boy. I remember how hard I prayed that he wouldn’t have the same issue. And 6 weeks after birth, it was confirmed he did. I am still crushed that I spent an entire pregnancy scared of what was to come. I hate that I spent every moment of those first 6 weeks fighting with myself that he wasn’t affected by the same genetic issue. That there was something else going on. that their hypertonia must be explained by another issue. I hate that moment of how devastated I was finding out that he was indeed affected.
It’s strange how with time, those memories fade away. I don’t see Monkey’s diagnosis (or Bear’s) but I see their accomplishments and their progress. And then something triggers them and they come crashing back and give me a soul-crushing blow. Sometimes it just still feels so surreal that this is it.