It’s a quarter after one and I’m all alone, and I need you now

This blog has turned heavy toward special needs lately.  I make no apologies.  I really wish it would just settle into the background of our lives instead of being the giant blinking dot on our radar.

Bear has had a major regression as of late.  We don’t know why and it’s eating me alive to figure it out.  He would once bear weight on his legs and now he just collapses and refuses to stand.  He HATES the exerrsaucer with a bloody passion and screams and refuses to participate in the gait trainer at therapy.  He is shaking his head as if saying “No!” but it’s forceful and upsetting to him. However, he is crawling backwards.  His legs are EXTREMELY tight and stiff despite increasing his muscle relaxer.

I’m at a loss.  I bawled my eyes out because of everything that is running through my head.  He has made so much progress that I’m petrified of regression.  I’m scared he’s having seizures, or that some issue in his brain has occurred.  I’m scared that his tone is destroying his hips. 

I feel like I’m grasping at straws with my faith lately.  So I got up, cheeks still wet with tears, and opened my bible. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 (NIV)

My path right now feels like trying to climb boulders that went through a thunderstorm followed by a freeze.  The way is slippery, there are no handholds and my feet keep sliding out from under me.  I realize now, that I’m taking the wrong path.  I haven’t given it all to the Lord, I’ve tried to find my own way to understanding.  I think it’s time to take a new path.

Laugh if you must, I downloaded Joel Osteen’s new book Every Day A Friday for our Nook.  I looked at it in the store today and decided I wanted to read it.  And of course to be eco friendly and FRUGAL I had to download it (it was $6 cheaper).

I’ll probably attempt to read it during nap tomorrow, or sometime this weekend.  I’ve never read one of Joel’s books, however I have watched him on telecast.  I can’t say I’m a huge fan of him because I don’t agree with everything preaches, mostly his financial views. This book seemed like it veered away from the typical Joel Osteen approach so I’m willing to be open minded.

What do you do when you’re in an emotional funk?  How do you move on/forward?

Oh and Bear decided he had to investigate how his swing works.  (Shortly after this he unplugged it)